Camp Wildberry – Chapter Twenty

Monday, July 13th, 4:21am

It took me a few minutes to properly wake up. Plus I had to pee. And change my itchy contacts. And check on Amerite (asleep). Once all that was taken care of I trudged to the director’s cabin feeling scared and sick. Tawny was sleeping standing up in the front hall. I saw Cactus on the couch sound asleep too. Melissa and Onyx were both just past Tawny in the hallway, looking ready to drop.

“You’ve been interrogating him?” I asked, confused.

“He physically assaulted Amaranth the day before she disappeared, and he made indications of wanting to physically assault Domino the day before she died,” Onyx answered as he tried to stop a yawn. “Amaranth was definitely murdered. And Tom is our promise suspect.”

“Annnd you want me to talk to him?”

“No,” Melissa said flatly. “But he says the only person he’ll talk to you is you. Dunno why, he shut up after making his demands.”

I looked at the bedroom door. “No. I–he’ll attack me!”

“He’s tied up.”

“What?”

“He’s tied up,” Onyx repeated. “Melissa tied one of his arms to one of the bed frame.”

I looked back at the door, head pounding. “He hates me. I hate him. Why–?”

“I don’t know, I told you he just shut up,” Melissa said impatiently. “Get an answer from him. If he tries to hurt you just shout.” She opened the door and gave me a nudge inside.

I stumbled a bit and flinched when the door swung shut behind me. Shit. I chanced a look towards the bed. Tom sat there looking ready to kill. Possibly again. Had he really murdered Amaranth? Tied her up? I would have believed it last night but after getting some sleep it just seemed strange.

I rubbed the inside of one of my arms awkwardly. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Come closer.”

“Hell no!”

Tom glowered. “I’m not gonna fucking touch you, bastard. I just don’t want those assholes to listen in.”

I took a few steps then a few more, not sure how long the cord holding him could go. Or if it would even hold him down. It looked so thin. “So, what?”

He met my nervous gaze with an angry one. “I. Didn’t. Touch. Them.”

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t fucking touch them!” he snarled. “All right, so I did fucking touch the loony tune one, I grabbed her ass. But I didn’t kill her. Everyone says I fucking killed her and I didn’t. They only say it because they hate me.”

“Um. Have you, uh, told them?”

“Of course I fucking told them but they won’t believe me!” Now Tom glared at the door. “That freaky computer bitch and the fat tub of lard. He acts like he’s leader but he’s not, he shouldn’t be.” Tom spat on the floor and I cringed back in disgust. “All of them out there are all fucking psycho. It’s a damned witch hunt, that’s what it is.”

My confusion just grew. “And telling me this helps because…?”

He stood up and I backed up some more. “You helped me. You brought me bandages and pain killers. You’ll help me now, you’re the only asshole here who will. So help me, all right? But I’m not gay.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Look, whatever disgusting crush you have on me–“

“Oh, no. No. Oh Maker no!” I actually felt some bile rise at those words. “In what messed up universe could you even begin to think I’d like you?! You’re the rudest, meanest, coldest piece of shit I’ve ever met and trust me, I’ve met quite a few.”

This didn’t seem to phase him at all. “Why else would you help me?” he asked in a ‘duhhh’ sort of voice. “You’re a faggot. Faggots like muscles. Hey, I get it. Loads of babes back home want my dick.”

“Oh Maker I am gonna vomit.” I turned to the door and reached the handle.

“Wait! Don’t fucking go! I need your help, you fucktard!”

I spun around at that, cheeks flaming with anger. “Okay first of all, asshole, if you’re asking for help the best route isn’t to freaking insult the person you’re asking help from. Second of all,  I would rather skinned alive and forced to eat my own eyeballs than ever–ever–even think about you in any sort of–ew!”

“What the hell? I’m sexy!”

“Okay if I had a gun to my head and told to choose between you or death, I’d choose death. Any day. ” The words came out before I even realized what I was saying. “L–look, Tomato. You’re a disgusting piece of pig shit and I am done with this conversation. I am going to go vomit now.”

Tom jumped to his feet as I went for the handle. “I’m innocent, you tell them you bastard, I’m innocent I didn’t fucking kill no one, you’re all just fucking bigots! Just cause I’m red, you think I’m fucking evil!” I had the door open now so Melissa and Onyx could easily hear all this. Tom didn’t stop though. “It happens all the time! Reds are hated by everyone! We’re associated with evil and so you assholes think I killed that crybaby bitch and that loony tunes! I didn’t! I DIDN’T!”

I slammed the door shut and fell against the far side of the wall, clutching my stomach. I feebly indicated the other door and croaked out, “Bathroom?” Melissa nodded so I ran in and I fell down, not vomiting but feeling like I would. Especially when I remembered what I had said. About choosing death.

I slid down even more to the floor and sniffled. I didn’t want to think about what Tom thought about me (ugggghh!) so instead I focused on the possibility that he had killed Amaranth… and possibly Domino as well. Holly hadn’t seen any evidence but that didn’t mean Tom hadn’t. Or maybe he tried and it got out of hand and killed her before he could, and dumped the machine on her. But why tie up Amaranth and put her in the freezer? She had died with tears on her face, she had frozen to death.

Maybe… Tom hadn’t done any sexual to them and just got his jollies from hurting them, from killing them. There were people like that. Or maybe he didn’t hurt them. Maybe Domino’s was an accident, but someone killed Amaranth.

I got up and left the bathroom. Hoping I could fall back asleep. Nobody tried to stop me as I left the director’s cabin. I walked through the darkness to the boys’ cabin and found it mostly empty except for Amerite who slept in his bed with my blanket. I just collapsed into my bed and eventually fell back asleep still fully dressed.

*

I didn’t get much shuteye at that point. I woke up after about an hour and a half when Amerite woke up. He made really quiet sort of whimpery-crying sounds that meant he didn’t want to wake me up. But he didn’t apologize when I got out of bed thankfully.

“You hungry?” I asked. “I know you haven’t eaten anything.”

“She’s dead. She’s gone.”

“Yeah.”

“Tom killed her.” I didn’t respond to that. Amerite got out of his bed and looked down at his rumpled clothing. “He killed her,” he repeated, waiting for me to say something. “Where is he?”

“Being watched, by Melissa and Tawny. Onyx tried talking to him last night.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “I talked to him too.”

“What he say?”

“That he’s innocent.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

I turned away, biting back my response. No, I didn’t know it. Was it likely? Yes. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Except we were stuck here with nobody to prove his guilt. Or innocence.

Amerite grabbed my arm a bit roughly. “You know he did it, right?”

“No,” I confessed and Amerite’s dull eyes widened. “He’s a total asshole but–“

“Who else woulda done it?!”

I held my hands up defensively. “I don’t know! I think if one of us did it, most likely it’d be him but… I mean…”

“What someone just waltzed in through the barriers and murdered Amaranth?!” he demanded very angrily.

I was about to say no. Instead I shrugged. “Maybe. W–wait!” I added as he looked somehow more pissed off. “There could very well be someone else here. In the woods. That we don’t know about.” That sudden revelation took hold in my mind. “Why not?”

“That..” Amerite trailed off and staggered back. “That seems ridiculous. Or not. Oh, Maker, my head hurts.”

“Why don’t you go rest–“

“I’ve been resting! All I’m doing is resting. It’s… been… twelve hours?” He looked at me for confirmation. “Twelve hours. Shit. It feels like a lifetime.” He found his glasses and put them on. They didn’t do much to make him look better. “Twelve hours, is that really it? Twelve hours without her.” He leaned back against the wall, staring at nothing. “I cannot survive twelve hours without her. How will I survive twelve days? Weeks?” He adjusted his glasses slowly. “Years?”

“I don’t know. I’m so sorry, Amerite, I–I wish I could…” Do something? Help him? “If you need some food I can go get–“

“When a person is in grief, ply that person with food. That is the typical motto for the general public, yes? Oh, Winter, I’m sorry. You are merely trying to help and I am allowing my anger to lash out at you.”

“Amerite, no, there’s no need to apologize. I know you’re suffering right now, I take zero offense to you acting like this.”

“You are far too good for this place, Winter.”

I cocked my head to one side but before I could ask what he meant the door opened. Hydi came in with a tray full of food. “I heard voices and figured you guys needed something.” She held the tray up with a very, very faint smile.

“Thank you,” I said, taking the tray. Amerite remained silent. “It’s pretty early for you to be fixing breakfast, isn’t it?”

“I haven’t been able to sleep, honestly. Amerite–I’m so sorry. Amaranth is… was… a really sweet girl…”

Amerite’s eyes flickered her way. “Thank you, Hydrangea, I really appreciate that.” He inhaled deeply, his head thumping back gently against the wall, his eyes closing. “I’d like to be alone again. Winter. I–“

“It’s fine, I understand.” I went over and squeezed his arm before leaving the cabin with Hydi who promptly broke down in tears the moment the door shut. She flung herself into my arms and sniveled out apologies as her tears soaked my shirt. I gave her as much comfort as I could manage. Finally she peeled away and tottered back to the mess hall. I didn’t know how she could still be in the kitchens with Domino and Amaranth in the freezer. I never wanted to go in there again.

*

Cosmic and Piper wouldn’t be coming in till the next day after they were done following the wall. When I found out I felt a bit aggravated (I mean the wall would still be there) until Onyx explained to me the reason. Apparently it would be quicker to continue following the wall instead of making a direct dash back.

“I guess the wall follows a pretty flat-ish pathway around this place?” Onyx said. “If they came back now they’d have to climb over the mountains over there, or hills, or whatever they are. It will be just as quick… or quicker… if they finish along the wall and meet up with Mojito at the road.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Yeah. They’ll get there sometime in the morning or early afternoon.”

I had nothing to do. No chores to do, even, since we hadn’t drawn names for today. We hadn’t even been watching the road. Amaranth’s disappearance had sort of stopped that. I figured we’d go back to things soon enough. Probably tomorrow. In the mean time, however…

I found Onyx and asked if there was anything needed to be done around the camp. I didn’t want anything too laborious or gross (like cleaning toilets) but something small I could do without too much trouble. He suggested laundry. Great! I could do that. So I went around collecting things that needed washing. Then I found Holly who could help me figure out the washer and dryer. I had never really done laundry before. I figured it’d be easy enough and there were instructions on the machines. Since we had a big load we chose to use the industrial room and not the generic room. That’s what Holly called them. There were two laundry rooms. One had a normal sized washer and dryer, and one had a humongous washer and dryer. Industrial.

“Wait, won’t the colors mix together?” I asked.

Holly stared at me. “Crap, you’re right.”

So we moved stuff to the other room and did several small loads. It was actually kinda nice. Something about the rhythm of folding laundry made me feel calm and not too worried or freaked out. Holly and I talked while we worked.

“I used to be on the swimming team back home,” she said as I carefully folded a shirt making sure there weren’t too many wrinkles. “I’ve always loved swimming, you know? I was kicked off though.”

“How come? Er, if that’s not too personal a question.”

Holly smiled. “It’s fine. I got into relationship that, ah, the school decided wouldn’t be very good for an athletic representative to be in. Once we were caught, I mean. We tried to hide it but we were caught.”

“A girl? Or someone from a rival school?”

“Neither. He’s blue.” Holly laughed. “Ironically I did go on a couple dates with a girl, a cheerleader. But she was red. The school didn’t care. But someone from a different part of the rainbow? They flipped. I was kicked off the swimming team and he was kicked off the debate team.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Debate team?”

“Yeah,” she said and began laughing with me. “Total geek for politics. Wants to make the world a better place.” She looked over at Hydi’s folded clothes. “So a blue and a red can be together without issue.”

“You can be together in some parts of the country.”

“Not easily. No matter where you go there will be prejudice, Winter. Mixed rainbows? They’re just treated like someone undeserving. Someone not worth the same as a ‘true rainbow’. Dark looks, bullying, all of that. It happens. No matter what. The world just seems to still want what we’re doing using the smaller washer and dryer.” She waved her hand around the room. “Colors to stay pristine, not all mixed together. Even here, I bet the half the kids here feel that way.”

“I think my mother would rather me be dead than me dating someone outside the white spectrum. She’s incredible into the true rainbow thing.”

“Loads of people are.”

I returned to focusing on folding clothes, wanting to keep that stuff out of my head right now. Didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to deal with it. But it was too late. The thought had crept into my brain.

My mother would do anything to keep everything perfect and not ’embarrassing’. She didn’t love me. Van didn’t like me. I–well–embarrassed them. And now here I was, locked up away from them. It couldn’t be possible she had known about this. It couldn’t. A camp for manners and etiquette though? That turned out to be bullshit? I angrily folded a pair of pants hoping that Holly couldn’t see the emotions crossing my face as the truth finally dawned on my stupid brain.

My mom had most likely fucking sent me here to be locked up forever.

~*~

14 remaining

Major Changes

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and came to the decision to turn this into a text only story. I am so so sorry. I know some of you will be disappointed and stop reading which is 100% fine with me, however I know some of you will stay to find out what goes on.

My health has been very bad lately and I simply don’t have the time to work on and get pictures for two stories, and of course Danevbies comes first. I thought about putting Wildberry on a hiatus but I have no idea when I’d ever get back to it. I also thought about a poll but even if y’all were willing to wait for pictures, I simply don’t know when it will happen…

So from here on out Wildberry won’t have pictures. Maybe when I am done with Danevbies or my health gets better I’ll be able to come back and put pictures back in, but that won’t be for ages either way.

I hope y’all understand ❤

~sErin

Camp Wildberry – Chapter Nineteen

Author’s note: My editing program refuses to work so I couldn’t make Amaranth’s body look frozen. I’m sorry

~*~

Sunday, July 12th, 8:40pm

It felt like my life at Camp Wildberry had been filled with nothing but screams lately. The screaming in my ear, filling my brain, buzzing around like that’s the only sound that existed anymore. My own screaming. Still hoarse. Amerite’s screaming. Louder than I thought possible, ragged and full of horrifyingly negative emotions. Anger. Sadness. Fear. All and more in one scream.

“Nooo–nooo!” could already be heard in the screaming. Amerite scrabbled at Onyx, fighting against him to get into the freezer. Onyx finally gave up and Amerite threw himself forward, slamming down onto the freezer floor. He grabbed Amaranth by the arms. “No! Noooo!” he continued to howl.

Amaranth had turned a strange color. Sort of bluish-purpleish-pink. Her eyes were shut tightly. There were strange crystals caught across her face and in her hair. I realized, after a couple seconds, that they were tears. There was raggedy duct tape across her lips, sort of mushed up and chewed near the top where she had finally managed to get her upper lip–her very blue upper lip–free. Her body had been in a very weird position and only when Amerite began shrieking for a knife did I realize she had been tied up. Her arms were yanked down and back, tied tightly. Her legs were pulled back and up, connected with a piece of rope to her tied wrists.

Amerite sliced the ropes and threw them away. Amaranth remained in the frozen position. Amerite continued howling, rocking as he shook her body. “No–Ama–no–please–no–Ama–“

The rest of us backed away as much as possible, shrinking into our own little worlds of coping. I tried my best to figure out a way this could have been an accident. It couldn’t. Nothing, not even the farthest reaches of terrified imagination, could figure out a way to explain this other than what it obviously was: murder.

I looked around the room at the other ashen faces wondering if they had realized it yet or were still unaware of what the rope and duct tape meant. That someone had freaking tied Amaranth up and dumped her in the freezer to die. That she had been murdered. By someone. In this camp. One of us.

One of us?

No, no one here could have, could they?

Tom. I closed my eyes and remembered that nightmare of Tom shoving the vending machine on top of Domino. He had made horrible innuendos to her, and had grabbed Amaranth’s body the day before she disappeared. Could–he have done this? That creepy smile when I said he should have been the one to be under the vending machine.

Did he do it?

I wasn’t the only one to think this. “Tom–Tomato–he did this–he did this!” Amerite somehow got out, his voice little more than a hoarse raspy sound. “I’ll kill him–I’ll kill him!” He clutched Amaranth’s body tighter, sobbing.

“He couldn’t have…?” Onyx, sounding more hopeful.

“She was fucking tied up!” Cactus snarled, pointing at Amaranth. “Someone did! If it wasn’t Tom than who?”

That seemed to snap Amerite. He began making a terrifying sort of sound. He got up slowly then took off running. Scared of what he intended to do I ran after him, as did pretty much everyone else. Amerite just dashed across the grass heading for the boys’ cabin, practically breaking the door down as he went inside.

Obscenities blackened my ears as Amerite tackled Tom, fists swinging. “YOU FUCKING BASTARD YOU KILLED HER–YOU KILLED HER–I’M GOING TO KILL YOU I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!”

Tom had been tackled to the ground in surprise and now he struggled against Amerite. He probably weighed almost twice as much as Amerite but rage kept Amerite pinning Tom down. His hands were around Tom’s throat now. Strangling him. Oh, Maker, he was gonna kill Tom! Tom’s legs began kicking and he grabbed at Amerite’s wrists, trying to get him off.

“AMERITE!” I yelled, grabbing him and trying to yank him away. “STOP! STOP IT!”

“I’M–GONNA–KILL–YOU!” Amerite pushed down harder and Tom’s eyes bugged out. “YOU FUCKING MURDERER! DEAD! DEAD!”

Tawny pushed me aside and grabbed Amerite around his upper body and pulled hard. Amerite was yanked back, his fingers leaving scratches across Tom’s neck. Tom rolled over and began hacking louder and gasping for air. Now Amerite began kicking, his feet landing heavy-sounding blows against Tom’s body.

I fell between them, trying to stop the violence. I might not have given a rat’s ass about Tom but I definitely didn’t want Amerite to do something he might regret later. Like murdering someone, even in revenge. “Please–stop!” I begged, feebly trying to hold onto Amerite’s ankles. He did stop, thankfully, his rage not blinding him to the fact I now sat at his feet and not Tom.

“HE KILLED HER–HE KILLED HER–I’LL KILL HIM!” Tom just continued hacking and rubbing his throat as Amerite raged on. “FUCK YOU! YOU’RE DEAD! YOU’RE DEAD!”

“Why you–hhhhckk–think I killed Domino?” Tom gagged out.

“YOU KILLED AMARANTH!” Amerite screamed, struggling again. “I KNOW YOU DID IT! I KNOW IT WAS YOU!”

Tom stared. “That fucking loony tune is dead?”

“DON’T YOU CALL HER THAT!” Amerite managed to get away from Tawny but since I was still between him and Tom he just fell against me. I hugged him tightly, hoping he wouldn’t shove me away. He didn’t. He just pointed his finger at Tom and continued the death threats and cussing. I clung to him even tighter, quietly asking him to please stop. My words made no impact but since he had just seen Amaranth’s… dead body… I didn’t really expect to be able to calm him down.

Amerite broke. His words tapered off into sorrowful howling. He screamed into my shoulder and his hands dug at my back. He began making hiccuping sobby sounds that were probably more swearing. Something went on around us but I couldn’t tell anything said or done. I just held onto Amerite as his soul continued to shatter.

*

In the movies sometimes there were those scenes where the person stood in normal time while the world sped around them. That’s what seemed to happen in the boys’ cabin. By the time Amerite had cried and screamed himself into something that resembled unconsciousness quite a while had passed. I pulled Amerite closer to my bed and pulled the white blanket down, wrapping it around him. Nobody else remained in the cabin. I had no clue where any of them went. I didn’t particularly care either.

I pulled my pillow down and propped it up behind my back so it wouldn’t start hurting so much. Amerite continued to cling to me in his state of unconsciousness. I couldn’t tell if he had actually fallen asleep or blacked out.

Onyx came in. I put a finger to my lips and he nodded. “We locked Tom up in the bedroom of the director’s cabin,” he whispered as he crouched down. “We’re not sure what else to do right now. We, uh, put Amaranth back in the freezer.”

“Maker.” My fingers curled against Amerite’s back, wrinkling his shirt up even more. “You think Tom did it?”

“I don’t know.” Onyx spread his hands across his face. “It’s so damned confusing! Tom says he never did anything to them. Holly is–uhh–gonna still look at Domino though but I don’t know, I don’t think she’ll find anything. But then why would Tom kill Domino? Unless her death was an accident and he only killed Amaranth.”

“I–I can’t do this right now. Onyx. Please.”

“We need to have a meeting, to discuss–“

“A meeting? Damn it. No! I can’t. I just, can’t. Not now.” I bent down, feeling kinda ashamed about using my excuse. “Amerite should have someone here when he wakes up. He shouldn’t be alone.”

“Yeah, yeah. I understand. All right.” Onyx stood up, pressing his hands against his head. “I’ll just, um, let you know how things go.” He nodded and left, quietly shutting the door behind him.

I breathed out slowly. I didn’t want any meetings or anything. The old drumbeat of wanting to go home began pounding in the back of my head. A week, a freaking week. We’d only been here a week and two girls were dead. No, not even a week. We didn’t wake up on the bus till Monday morning. Six days. Two deaths.

“Freaking goldfish bowl,” I hissed, running my fingers along Amerite’s back to try and keep myself calm. We were all going belly-up and they–They–whoever they were–would just scoop our bodies out to flush down the toilet. After we starved to death. If we starved to death. With the garden and fishing and, um, hunting.

Stop it, just stop freaking out, stop panicking. I gently eased Amerite off my lap and got up so I could pace. The walls felt like they were getting closer.

Freaking trapped, that’s what we were. Trapped in the freaking goldfish bowl until the toilet just trapped freaking trapped, goldfish bowl, locked up, trapped.

I couldn’t breathe. My hands began to get sweaty. No, no I can’t do this. I sunk down to the ground trying my best to keep breathing. My chest felt tight. Everything felt tight. The room felt tight. The chest pains felt worse. My clothes began to get all damp from the sweat. Can’t breathe.

After an unknown amount of time it began to get worse. My mom didn’t come open the garage door. Amerite looked far away, like in a different universe. I tried to move closer, thinking maybe it’d help if he were even closer even though he was asleep, except my body felt so weird. My legs felt kinda numb. It got worse.

I gave a cry and curled up, trying to block out the whimpery sounds someone was making. “No, no, no, please…” I couldn’t curl up though, my arms and legs weren’t really working with what I told them to do.

Goldfish bowl. Locked up, trapped up, freaking TRAPPED!

It lasted a lifetime before I could move my arms again. I rolled onto my belly and tried pushing myself up. My arms still felt weird but I managed to get onto my knees. They didn’t feel numb anymore. Though, there was dark spots all over the wooden floor where I had sweated. I touched one of them then got to my feet  doing my best to not fall over again.

I went over to my bed and used the sheet to wipe my face off. I hadn’t had one that bad in so long…

“Hey.”

I nearly fell over at Amerite’s voice. “Oh Maker. Oh–Amerite!” I knelt down in front of him. “Amerite, you’re awake.”

“Been awake,” he mumbled. “Ten minutes?” He sniffled and banged his head back against the bed frame. “Didn’t know what to do. You weren’t moving. Like her.”

I wanted so bad to tell him I had just fallen asleep, to lie. It’d be so easy. He’d never know. “I had a panic attack. I’m sorry, I meant to be–here–when you woke up.”

He gave me a look like it was me that was now a million miles away. “You are here.” He sounded like he had a speech to recite or something.

“I know but I wasn’t here-here, for you, when you woke up.” I inched closer. “I’m sorry.”

“She wasn’t moving.”

 Telling him I was sorry didn’t feel right, saying ‘I know’ seemed trite. So I just put my arms around him, holding him close again. He went back to clutching me like before. Then to my shock he pushed me away.

“No. No, I–I need to be alone right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“No. But, I want to be.”

I took hold of his hands prying them off my shirt. “All right. If you need me just give a shout. I’ll check up on you soon, okay?” He just nodded. I wrapped my blanket around him again and left the cabin, my feet plodding along the floor. Once outside I nearly crashed to the ground. It was dark out by this point. I had been in my panic attack for probably half an hour, jeez.

The cool night breeze woke me up a bit. I looked around the camp area and saw lights on in the director’s cabin. Lights on in the mess hall. Cosmic and Piper should be told, crap not this again. I shuffled through the grass towards the mess hall making a guess at where Cactus might be. My correct guess, as it turned out.

“How is Amerite?” Holly asked when I walked in. Everyone else looked up at me.

My voice cracked as I said, “Um. Not good?” I realized as I went farther into the room that my clothes were still wet with sweat. I collapsed down at the table and buried my head in my arms. “Did you, um, find anything… out?”

“No.” Holly sounded so pained, ready to break down. “She looked uh… she looked like… no one… probably… did anything… Oh Maker.” Holly let out a loud sobbing sound. “I hated it, I hated it!”

“I’m sorry, it should have been someone else,” Onyx said quietly.

“Who?!” Holly demanded. “Cactus is a bitch, Hydi would never, Piper’s gone, Sunnie’s ‘too much a lady’,  and Melissa’s guarding Tom and oh. Oh Maker. We’re gone, we’re going, two girls are gone! A fourth of us are gone!” She sounded like she might have some sort of panic attack.

“I’m sitting right here,” Cactus snapped.

“Yeah well you are a bitch.”

“Fuck you.”

“Stop it, please!” Onyx’s voice raised enough to jerk me back into full wakefulness. I hadn’t been asleep but out of it enough. “We are all on the edge right now and I know it’s–it’s shitty–but please. No fighting. Why don’t we just… go to bed for now. Try and calm down.”

“Easy for you to say,” Cactus hissed.

Holly just turned away, tucking the end of one of her braids into her mouth, chewing at the hair. “Sorry. I’m just–I had to look at her. It felt intrusive.”

“It is intrusive,” Sunnie said and I jolted into full wakefulness once more, not noticing her being in the room before. My brain felt muddled and foggy. Before Sunnie even began speaking again I began drifting off again. “I know some of you think the choice was the best but we’re not nurses or doctors or whoever examines a dead body, it wasn’t a good thing to do…”

Someone else spoke but I just fell asleep, slumped at the table. Nobody bothered waking me up to go to bed though someone moved me because when Mojito shook me awake I was on the floor with a blanket and pillow.

“Wha–?? Time?” I mumbled.

“Just after four I think,” he replied. I rolled over, tugging the blanket tighter around me, nuzzling against the soft pillow. Tawny began shaking me again. “They need you in the director’s cabin.”

“Why?”

“Melissa and Onyx have been trying to get an answer out of Tom.”

“So?”

“He said he wants to talk to you.”

I blinked sleepily at Mojito. “Uhh?”

“Tom wants to talk to you. Only you, he says. Nobody else. Just you.”

I flopped back against the pillow and then smacked the floor angrily. “Aw hell.”

~*~

14 remaining

Death #2

The lyrics at the end are from Little Women the musical, “Some things are meant to be”.

~*~

She woke up feeling cold

where am i what happened

the voices were still loudly clanging in her head like the bells of several churches all at once demanding to heard, not stopping

so cold

She moved or tried to.

her arms what is wrong with the arms?

She struggled as part of her skin felt like it was burning. Then she saw brown. Her eyes got huge as she realized she was staring at Domino.

dead she’s dead why am I here with Domino am I dead too?

She tried to cry out but nothing happened. Muffled. Someone had locked up her words, took them away from her. She began struggling even more, wrists rubbing against the tight cords.

Someone called to me in the darkness

Yes, she had been walking outside. The voices, it was to help the voices. She needed to walk outside since that helped sometimes it made her feel better it made her feel normal.

what is normal

She had gone outside leaving him sleeping not wanting to bother him. The cool night air felt good on her when she went outside

now my skin burns why does it burn?

Then someone called her name. She first thought it was a voice inside of her calling out from the darkness. But when she turned she saw it had been someone really there. A dark figure, a hooded figure. The Grim Reaper.

I stared at death and he stared at me

But then death knocked her over the head with something, knocking her out.

Now Amaranth is here, burning, burning, burning.

No. Not burning. The opposite, she realized as she began shivering. She was in the freezer and the skin that touched the freezer floor–that’s what burned. It was so cold it burned.

Death didn’t come for me. Yet.

It hadn’t been the Grim Reaper it had been… who? She fought to remember anything about the face but it had been shrouded in darkness. Maybe it had been the reaper but the reaper had a scythe not a rock, and the reaper didn’t conk people over the head like that and dump them in freezers. Did it?

Tied up, can’t move, can’t escape.

She began shivering harder and struggled against the cords again. She had been tied up to die in here. Why hadn’t it just killed her with the rock? Why hadn’t it smashed her brains in?

Brains all over the grass.

She began working her mouth against whatever held her silent. Wanting to call out. Call out for Amerite.

He won’t come, he’s asleep. He is asleep while I freeze.

After hurting her wrists and ankles from trying to get free for several minutes, tears dripped down as she realized–accepted–what would happen. She’d die. Finally. After so many years of wanting to be dead, after so many attempts, she’d finally die. Not of her own accord though, like she always figured.

this is it then

A song, at the end. Music had always been there for her.

we’ll be mad and explore, we’ll recline a loft upon the breeze, dart about sail on with ease, pass the days doing only as we please, that’s what living is for

She gave another feeble struggle before giving up.

some things are meant to be, the ride turning endlessly, the way it takes hold of me no matter what I do

She looked at Domino, or what little she could see of her. Most of her was wrapped up in a tarp. They had had a memorial service for her.

and some things will never die, the promise of who you are, the memories when I am far from you.

Amerite…

All my life I’ve lived for loving you

Amaranth Shimmer closed her eyes…

let me go now

…and fell asleep.

Camp Wildberry – Chapter Eighteen

Sunday, July 12th, 4:12am

Amerite’s loud cries ripped me from my sleep. I buried my face deeper into the couch for a few blessed seconds of ignorance before getting up.

I knocked at the open door before tiptoeing in. Amerite had stopped crying and now pummeled his pillow. I considered returning to the couch; instead I went over. He stopped fighting with the pillow and slouched down, rubbing his forehead.

“I suppose we can’t go searching right now,” he mumbled.

“Breakfast first,” I suggested and one corner of his mouth twitched just a tiny bit. “I dunno when we can have it, though. Wait for Hydi I suppose.” Amerite gave another futile punch to the pillow. “Like, the rations thing makes sense. It really does. But part of me thinks it’s so… weird. It’s what people do in disasters. Deserted islands. That’s what someone said earlier, right? Sunnie, I think. A deserted island. I–I’m rambling now, sorry. I’ll be quiet.”

“N–no. It’s fine, I enjoy listening to you talk.” He ran his fingers through his hair making it stick up at odd angles. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Oh. Er. Not much to say. I–I like reading.” He nodded, encouraging me to go on. “I like to write. I’d like to write books one day.” I stopped there, not able to go on. Not able to say I’d have to use a pseudonym most likely. I had thought it all out. I didn’t want people saying I used my name. My money. “What about you? What do you want to do?”

“It… is silly.”

“I won’t laugh.”

He began fumbling around on the bedside table till he found his glasses. He didn’t put them on though. “Some sort of doctor, I suppose.”

I waited for more but he remained silent. “That’s not silly at all.”

“Could you truly imagine me as a doctor?”

“I don’t see why not. You seem smart.”

He did smile at that and pressed his fingers against his face. “I appreciate that. And this. Chatting with me. I–I’m sure you’d prefer to be sleeping. I woke you, I’m quite sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I got a decent amount anyway.” I counted on my fingers. “About the same as last night only all at once instead of broken up. Oh! Uh, can I ask you something? About your watch duty? Did you see… I saw something. Near the barrier. Only it was at the clearing, not at the road. And I know I was seeing things.” Amerite watched me, waiting. “It must have been a small animal. It looked like a doll though.”

“A what?”

“A doll. A toy doll. I was just seeing things though. It was weird.”

“Were you dreaming perhaps?”

“No.” I could picture it right now, the strangeness of the situation, the glassiness of the doll eyes. “I must have been tired or something. Seeing things.”

“Have you ever seen things like that before?”

“No… I’ve been having a lot of nightmares though.”

Over the next half hour I told him about my dreams. All the nightmares. The shadows, the bathroom, everything. He listened in a way I didn’t expect. Maybe it was just a distraction he wanted, or needed. Definitely needed. I gave him something to focus on as the sun slowly rose. He told me that nightmares were very normal in our situation, and he’d be surprised if I didn’t have any.

“But so constant?”

“You…” He hesitated and looked away. “Do you mind if I am straightforward?” I promised him it’d be fine. “You seem scared. Easily.” Okay that felt like a punch to the gut, as true as it was. “Shadows and monsters, traditional aspects of the nightmare world. Out of your control. I know it;s difficult but don’t let them get to you. They’re merely nightmares…” He gripped my hands for a few heartbeats then let go. “I asked you before if I’m bothering you with this. My… interest in you. You never told me.”

“I told you it confused me.”

“But it doesn’t bother you.”

I moved to the window and looked out. The sky had lightened a few shades since we began talking but everything still remained in mostly darkness. “No. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not straight, if that’s what you’re wondering about. I don’t know what I am. I’ve never put much thought into it.” I hadn’t ever felt much attraction to anyone. Sometimes I’d have feelings. But not like ‘Oh wow I want to snog this person’. I thought of Sunnie and her questions. It didn’t seem important right now in our situation, yes, but it never seemed very important in my life. Video games. Books. College. Getting the hell away from my mother. Those seemed more important.

Almond popped into my mind again. His frantic grabbing, kissing. His furious confession. I doubted Amerite felt that way. But if he didn’t feel that way then… why? It didn’t make any freaking sense, and it didn’t freaking matter.

“Look,” I started at the same time he said, “I’m sorry.” We both laughed and moved to the living room so we could sit on the couch without having the bed leering at us in an inanimate sort of way. Instead of continuing the awkward conversation we watched TV. Music videos, early morning cartoons. The sky got lighter and lighter until finally it got close to breakfast time. I knew Amerite just wanted to go out searching so it took a lot of convincing to at least get something small for breakfast. I guess Hydi had expected it since she made muffins.

“I’m going out with them too,” she said as we gathered up several muffins to eat as we walked.

Holly was sticking a couple of refilled water bottles in a backpack. “I am too.”

Our group from yesterday, both girls ready to charge out in search of Amaranth. Onyx didn’t stop us though his group were sitting down for breakfast. Amerite seemed a tad pissed off at them not just running out like we were but that was their decision. This was ours.

We went past the camp store this time, heading into the woods. Steep hills (or small mountains?) were right there so we were going slow as we tried to make our way along the slopes. We alternated eating and shouting. Amerite’s voice still sounded really rough and he lost it pretty quickly. He still tried calling out though, a raspy whisper that those almost right next to him could hardly even hear. Holly, Hydi, and I continued on till my voice broke and I couldn’t do more than whisper. Hydi soon joined us in the inability to cry out and finally Holly couldn’t either.

“I have an idea,” I said as we made our way back towards the campgrounds. “Maybe a way to get her to come to us. I–I don’t know how well it will work, though.”

*

After I had taken three firework rockets there were twenty-one left. The four of us took ten of them. Onyx agreed to our plan though we hadn’t told him how many rockets we would be using. Perhaps we should have saved some for any possible future uses but this seemed to be a pretty good use.

We went down to the lake and set the first one off. The red heart exploded above us sending sparks drifting down to the water.

“We’ll continue searching for her,” Hydi said hoarsely, massaging her throat. “Don’t think we won’t, Amerite. Amaranth is a great girl and I’m not gonna stop looking.”

Amerite gave her a smile and she reached over to give his arm a gentle pat.

We waited ten minutes after the first rocket to set off the second one. White and pink shaped like a plumbob. Fifteen minutes later a green shamrock went off. Hydi pulled some cookies out of her pack and handed them out. They were sugar cookies with cracked pink frosting.

“I made these last night. For her. There’s some left hidden in the kitchen so she can have some when we get her.”

“You’re a good person, Hydrangea. Thank you.”

I munched on the sugar cookie. It tasted okay, not great though. Hydi didn’t have quite the same baking skills as she did cooking but they were good enough and a wonderful gesture of support for Amerite. He just stared at the pink frosting on his cookie though.

Fifteen minutes after we set the first green one off we sent another one off, also green. “We’ll wait half an hour now,” I said, stretching my legs out on the sun-warmed shore. My throat still hurt really bad. I wondered if there were cough drops or syrup at the camp store. Crap, we should have checked. Ah, well, something to do on the way back.

We spent the afternoon by the lake, setting off the rockets slowly. Once we ran out we waited for another hour before finally returning to the campgrounds. I stopped by the camp store and got a bottle of cold medicine so I could try and soothe my throat. I should probably have asked someone, I realized after leaving the store. Then I realized I didn’t even care. Back at the director’s cabin I poured some out for me and Amerite. He swigged down the couple of tablespoons of gross orange medicine and thanked me.

After a bit a small group of campers came to the director’s cabin. They knocked at the door, which seemed kinda funny to me. Amerite gave me a shrug and I went to open the door. Tawny stood in the front looking a bit awkward.

“Um… can we come in?”

“This cabin is as much yours as it is mine,” I said, stepping aside. Tawny, Holly, Cactus, Onyx, Mojito. They call came in like it was gonna be some sort of intervention. Aw crap, an intervention for Amerite to stop the search parties?

We stood in the hallway, us facing them. I prepared to argue, prepared to fight for continuing searching. I expected Onyx to talk but instead Tawny did. He rubbed the back of his neck, looked even more awkward somehow, and then finally cleared his throat.

“So. Mojito and I were… talking.” He scowled at that, seemingly bitter at the idea that he’d engage in conversation with anyone. “About… things.”

“You want us out of the director’s cabin?” I inquired knowing in advance that they’d shake their head and feeling slightly annoyed when they did so.

“Domino,” Tawny grunted and that surprised me. “I mean. I was thinking. Her and… Amaranth…” He glanced quickly toward Amerite then back at me. “They… and Tom… didn’t… I mean, Tom…” He didn’t sound the sort of stuttering socially awkwardness, more of he just plain didn’t want to talk. “He–uh–touched Amaranth.”

“Yeah the bastard,” Amerite hissed, face darkening.

Tawny nodded in agreement. “He also said gross things about Domino.” Now he seemed to be finding his voice. “He’s a piece of shit.”

“And?” I asked.

“What if he… hurt… them?” Tawny stared right into my eyes.

“You think he killed them?” I asked slowly.

“Uh, maybe. To… cover up…” Tawny squirmed a bit. “…hurting them…”

“Killing them is hurting them,” I pointed out.

Now Onyx finally spoke. “He means assault. Sexual assault.”

Oh. Oh. I swallowed and stepped back, heart pounding. Sexual assault. I hadn’t even thought of that. Technically he already had, groping Amaranth the other day. He had said vile things about Domino. Had he assaulted her in the night? And killed her to cover it up? If anyone could throw a vending machine down on top of someone Tom would be the most likely candidate.

Suddenly the room became dizzy. I remembered my dream. The nightmare. Of Tom doing just that. He very well might have done it as well as hurt–or killed?–Amaranth. Sexual assault. The suggestion surprised me but not because of Tom just the purely repulsive nature of it all. Tom… I wouldn’t have been shocked to find out he did that.

“How do we find out if he did?” I asked.

“We examine Domino,” Cactus said simply. I gave her a kinda dumb look. “To see if he fucking hurt her. Like that.”

“You mean, like, look… at… her?” I demanded as my face went dark pink. “That’s wrong!”

“What else can we do?” Holly asked nervously. “There’s every possibility this happened and the only way to find out is that. I don’t like it at all but we need to know.”

I walked back and forth, chewing at my bottom lip, hands wringing. I hated it. I hated it! To look at her body, her–private areas. “Who?” I asked suddenly. “Who?!”

“Me,” Holly said gently. “I volunteered. I really don’t want to but I think it’d be best if I did it. Everyone else agrees.”

I looked around the room then away from all of them. I guess if anyone had to at least it’d be Holly, a female and one who’d respect Domino. “If you guys think it’s best… Would you be able to tell?”

“I don’t know. Probably not. Unless there’s a lot of bruising or…” Holly made a face, “residue. I doubt I’ll be able to tell. But it’s worth a try. I think Tom could have done it. You know what he said? You were off at the lake trying to contact Piper and Cosmic when he–hewas going around all happy that he didn’t  have watch duty. When Domino… He was  happy!”

Rage began building up in me once more. And we had nothing else really to discuss so the lot of us went to the mess hall. Hydi stood in the kitchen and asked what we were doing there. When Onyx explained Hydi went very pale. She began arguing, demanding that we not do that.

“It’s not proper! You can’t just look at the poor girl like that!” Hydi shrieked. “It’s disgusting! Give her peace!”

“That’s what we want to do!” Onyx said. “It might not reveal anything except what if it does? What if we do?”

“And if you do find evidence? What then?” Hydi demanded. “Lock Tom up? Where?” Nobody said anything in reply. No one had an answer. “You can’t. It’s not proper. It’s not right…”

“We have to,” Onyx whispered and Hydi just stormed out of the mess hall. Onyx sighed and then looked bleakly at the freezer door. “Holly, you–uh, we’ll wait in the dining area. To give her privacy.”

“Yeah,” mumbled Holly, shaking slightly as she made her way to the freezer door. She gave a small whimper as we left, starting to get seats around one of the tables.

Barely a minute passed when Holly began yelling. It sounded like an attempt at a scream, a sort of caught-in-the-throat scream. Garbled. Raspy, as she suffered from a raw throat like the rest of us that spent the day shouting for Amaranth.

“She couldn’t have found anything yet, could she?” asked Mojito.

Holly continued shrieking in what sounded like rising fear. Onyx took off and the rest of us followed. Holly was backing away from the open freezer door and fell down, her behind thumping against the floor. “MAKER! MAKER!” she cried, pointing shakily at the open door. “MAKER!”

“Oh Rainbow Maker,” Onyx gasped when he got to the freezer door. “No–no!” he added, turning to stop me. No, not me. Amerite. I could see over Onyx’s arm as he tried to hold back a struggling and now screaming Amerite, since he could see what I saw.

Amaranth lay in the freezer. Dead.

~*~

14 remaining

This week

No chapter this week my knee is hurting really bad. I sat at my computer for a few hours yesterday doing stuff and it destroyed me. I have a few days off so I am just gonna try to rest as much as possible.

I will be starting physical therapy soon, and hopefully either that helps or else it makes it so much worse they finnnaalllyy give me a scan.

Next chapter will be out next week, sorry for the delay

~sErin

Camp Wildberry- Chapter Seventeen

Author’s note: as of right now with my pain and energy levels being what they are I am not sure if it will be bi-weekly quite yet or just one chapter a week for a short while.

Saturday, July 11th, 9:49am

When we returned to the campgrounds we found Onyx trying to organize search parties. Most the group was there, listening, preparing. Tawny, Holly, Mojito, and I went over to join the group; Sunnie wandered off to the girls’ cabin,

Amerite looked absolutely distraught. He looked like he hadn’t slept in several days though from what Holly had told me they only discovered Amaranth’s disappearance when Amerite woke up that morning.

I went over to him, not saying anything since I didn’t know what to say but offered my hand. Amerite clutched it tightly, squeezing my hand in a death grip. “She has to be around here somewhere, she–she can’t be alone. She can’t be by herself,” he said though it didn’t seem like he had spoken to me.

“Okay guys, we don’t know where she went–or why–but we’re going to go look for her,” Onyx said once he had everyone’s attention. “Since we don’t have any way to keep in touch with each other we’re going to go in two groups then meet back here at lunchtime. Make sure someone in your group pays attention to where you go.”

“Yeah don’t want everyone to get lost.” We looked over at Tom standing near the mess hall looking disgustingly smug. A bad feeling rooted itself in the pit of my stomach; I did my best to ignore it, and ignore Tom.

We split up. Amerite wanted me with him so it was the two of us plus Holly and Hydi. Onyx, Tawny, Mojito, and Cyan would be in the other group. Melissa wanted to join one of the groups but Onyx asked her to stay at the campgrounds in case Amaranth came back. There’d be plenty of people there so I had the feeling that what Onyx meant was he didn’t want to risk Melissa–the most likely candidate for getting us out of here due to her hacking ability–getting hurt. No one else wanted to go.

We went down towards the lake since Amerite said she might have gone there. We called out her name–screamed her name–as we made our way down the road and towards the water. Once there we skirted around the edge, still calling for her. Amerite’s voice was ragged and desperate. I couldn’t imagine what he felt right now.

“AMMAAARAAANTH!” I called out. I didn’t think she was in any particular danger. I figured she had just wandered off, like Cyan had the one night. Maybe she wanted to be alone… “AMARANTH!”

“AMA! PLEASE ANSWER ME! PLEASE!” Amerite cried out. “AMA PLEASE–IT’S AME–I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW, PLEASE–” He stumbled a bit and I grabbed onto him to stop him from falling to the ground. He clung to me tightly. Not crying, but his body shook fiercely. “Maker, please let her be okay,” he croaked out into my shoulder.

“She’ll be okay,” I said quietly. “We’ll find her soon.”

He let out a choking sort of sound then proceeded forward, pulling me along behind him. I just followed, feeling glad I could help him in this small way. “AMAAAA!”

“AMARANTH!”

“AAAAAMAAARANTH!”

*

At noon we returned to the campgrounds. The other search party hadn’t found her either. Cactus did contact Cosmic and Piper, asking them to keep an eye out and also call out for her if they could in case she had wandered their way though they were at least a full day’s hike away from us. We had lunch then went off again in other directions. Our group went deep into the woods with Holly making sure we didn’t get lost. We picked our way through underbrush, fallen logs, rocks, moss, mud…

Amerite’s voice became more and more raw until he could barely call out. We had to drag him back to the cabins when it got close to dark. He didn’t eat any dinner and afterwards just sat on the couch in the director’s cabin, staring blankly at the TV which was turned off. He and Amaranth had stayed in here the night before.

“When I woke up she wasn’t there. I thought she had gone to the bathroom, but she hadn’t. I began looking for her but–she’s gone.” Amerite hunched over. “She’s gone.”

“We’ll find her,” I said.

He shook his head. “You don’t know that. She–” He hesitated then began rubbing his temples. “She can’t be alone. It’s not good for her to be alone. Oh Maker. Ama.” He gave a throaty sort of sound before breaking down. I scooted closer and put my arms around him, holding him as he cried. “I have to find her. She can’t be alone–I shouldn’t be here, I need t–to look for her.” He pulled away and tried to get up.

 I grabbed his arm and yanked him back down. “No. You’re exhausted and haven’t eaten since lunch, you’ll just collapse out there.” I pressed my fingers into his arm. “Tomorrow we’ll look again.”

Amerite now stared blankly ahead. “She’s sometimes suicidal.” He spoke in a whisper, a sort of pale tone in his voice. He wasn’t sure if he wanted me to know was my guess. Or maybe he hadn’t even meant for me to hear since it had been spoken so quietly. “That’s why I need to be with her. She–she doesn’t have her medicine either.” He began rocking back and forth. “Maker. If she–if she–“

I put my arms back around him and held him tightly. “We’ll find her.”

*

Amerite finally fell asleep with his head in my lap. I moved him as best I could onto the couch so I could fetch Melissa from the office. She helped me get him moved to the bedroom (her strength would just forever amaze me) and I tucked him into the big bed.

We moved back out into the living room. It felt weird being in a house like this after spending so long… so long…??

“It’s been almost a week now,” I said. “Since we came here. Six days.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” said Melissa. “It feels more like a month.” I nodded in agreement. “You think she’s dead?”

I flinched back at those harsh words. “No! I mean, she can’t be. She’s just…”

“What? Missing?” Melissa licked her lips as she gazed towards the doorway. “She’s not exactly mentally competent.”

“Stop that!” My hands curled into fists. “Just–stop!” There were several things I wanted to say. A lot of crap about having to hold onto hope. Melissa cocked her head, waiting for me to speak. Instead of a speech about hope I asked, “Have you had much luck with the computers?”

“Ugh, no. They’re freaking nigh on impossible! Like seriously, it’s as bad as the government. Or some big corporation.” She ran her fingers through her hair then shook her hair back out. “There is one thing though. I haven’t told the others. I, uh, can’t access any news sites.”

“Ah. And, erm, that’s important?”

“You’re a moron. Yes! It’s important!” She stomped off towards the door. “They’re keeping the news from us.” She began tapping the side of her head, an indication for me to think. “Most likely that means we’re in the news. Moron.” She scoffed and stomped right out of the cabin, slamming the door shut behind her.

In the news. That didn’t occur to me. Why would we be in the news? We were supposed to be at a summer camp. Oh, well, obviously it had been nearly a week and none of the families had any correspondence with us. My mom wouldn’t have cared but of course others would. Like, Cosmic’s parents. A week of nothing. They probably went to the police. What happened after that?

I turned on the TV and began flicking through the channels. I didn’t know what the different channels would be here. For instance, our Public Rainbow Broadcast back home was channel 5 but here it was channel 3. Channel 5 was static. Channel 10 was static. I kept going through. There were channels that worked, ones that were blue, and ones that were static. It took me a while to figure out the static ones were probably the news stations.

Damn. They are keeping the news from us.

I had figured it out before finding the TV guide channel so that just confirmed my thoughts on the static channels. They were indeed the news.

We’re on the news. I leaned far back into the couch just blinking at the TV. Not all the time, we weren’t on the news 24/7 but ‘they’ couldn’t control when we were on the news so they couldn’t show us the news and make it static whenever we popped on. It was better to keep things from us.

What’s going on out there? My mom would make a show of it. She cared nothing about me though naturally she couldn’t be like that in front of the cameras. Oh, Maker, she had to be basking in all the attention. I could imagine her standing next to Van, a handkerchief pressed against her cheeks as she sniffled and acted the part.

“Ugh.” I shook my head and then wondered about my friends. Not Almond (I didn’t think we were even friends anymore… I mean, I couldn’t really go back to being friends after he pawed at me and–and those shitty things he said to me. About me. No, we weren’t friends anymore) but Sapphire and Cobalt, and Froly, and Russett. They’d be worried about me. Genuinely worried. Right?

Maybe they never cared about you either, a nasty voice in my head said.

“No!” I put my hands to my ears, forcing the voice out as best I could. “Froly was the same as me, I know she liked me. She had to have liked me…”

“Winter?”

I jumped in surprise when Amerite trudged into the room. He didn’t have his glasses on and the hollows beneath his eyes were very obvious. “Who were you talking to?”

“Uh, no one. You should get back to sleep.”

“I can’t.” He fell down onto the couch. “I can’t. I have to find her. I can’t… just sleep…”

“You fell asleep earlier–“

“You shouldn’t  have let me!” He sat up straight now, looking mad. “I have to stay awake! I have to find her! Before something happens! Before she…” He trailed off and buried his face in his hands. He said something incoherent, muffled from his hands.

After that he refused to go back to sleep. He paced around the house and several times left the cabin to go screaming her name into the darkness. At one point Tom came out ready to start a fight but Onyx came out as well, intervening. He pulled me and Amerite back into the director’s cabin to try to talk to him. Amerite just kept shaking his head and repeating over and over that he had to find Amaranth.

“We’ll resume searching in the morning,” Onyx promised. “You need to get some sleep. For Amaranth. You’ll be no good searching in this condition.”

“That–that’s what Winter said. I can’t sleep. I can’t. I need to find her! You don’t understand!” Amerite looked angry again. “None of you understand! Ama needs me, she needs me. I have to be with her.” He clutched his own hands so tightly his knuckles went very pale. He also swayed, as if he might collapse.

Onyx looked at me. “I’ll be right back. Keep him in here.”

I hugged Amerite again, not knowing what else to do. I felt like I might start crying. I didn’t like seeing him in this much pain and agony. Part of me also felt mad at Amaranth, for running off without any notice or warning.

“I must seem so pathetic,” he mumbled into my shirt.

“No, you don’t.” I rubbed his back and pulled away slightly. “We will find her.”

He just once again shook his head bleakly and started to leave. Onyx came jogging up just in time, a partially filled water bottle in one hand. He handed it to Amerite. “Drink this. It will help you sleep.”

“Wh…?” He sloshed the water around then suddenly dropped the bottle. “What on earth?! What?! That is one of the drugged bottles, isn’t it?”

Onyx scooped the bottle up and offered it once more. “Yes. I didn’t finish my water. I put the bottle in my bag and forgot about it until the other day. I considered taking some when Domino… passed… but ultimately was able to sleep. You, however, don’t seem like you’ll be able to sleep right now.”

“I–I fell asleep earlier.” Amerite gave me a wide-eyed look. “Tell him!”

“Urm, he did… uh, fall asleep for a few minutes,” I muttered.

Onyx sighed and put the bottle in my hand. “If you don’t want to take it then don’t. But running off screaming into the woods in the middle of the night isn’t going to help. Sleep will.” He gave us both an attempt at a smile before leaving.

I looked down at the bottle. The water looked so clear, so… well, like water. “Maybe you should take some, Amerite.”

“NO!” He backed away from me now. “That’s the drug that put us here in the first place! I will not take it!”

“The drugged water didn’t do it, the freaking counselors did!” I reminded him. “Cactus didn’t drink the water and she was stabbed with a syringe. If you hadn’t have had the water you would’ve been syringed too.” I took his hand and wrapped his fingers around the bottle. “Just a small sip. You’re ready to fall down at any second. If you don’t get sleep the search parties will have to go out without you tomorrow.”

He looked as though he might hate me then his face relaxed, just a bit. With his free hand he touched my cheek very gently. “Ama approved of you, you know.” His voice faltered as he said this and his eyes were looking downwards, more at my chest.

“I–I’m very flattered to know that. I really am.”

He unscrewed the lid and took a small sip. Then screwed the cap back on and set the bottle down on the table. “Would you mind sitting with me until I fall asleep? Please?”

We went into the bedroom and he curled up on the bed again. I tucked him in and held his hand until he finally drifted off. We’ll find her tomorrow, I decided as I got off the bed and went into the living room to sleep on the couch. We have to.

~*~

15 remaining

Update

Just an update… things have been really tough. My dad’s doing well though. Mom and I stayed in morgantown from sat morning (we got in at 1230am!) To tues afternoon… it was exhausting but we got home and I’ve been trying to recover from all the walking/pushing mom in her wheelchair. It did my legs in.

My dad’s surgery went well. On Monday they discovered blood clots in his leg  and pseudo gout but he’s been treated for that. He’s most likely coming home tomorrow or Saturday. If it’s tomorrow I’ll be going to pick him up and there won’t be an update out till next week. If it’s sat I should be able to get a chapter our tomorrow night. It just depends on how things go.

Anyways sorry for all this non activity from me but it’s just been out of the blue… nothing we could forsee.

I hope everyone is doing well ❤ sErin 

Emergency stuff

I intended to get a chapter out today and get back to working on this but yesterday I had to take my dad to the er. He has been having leg weakness issues and randomly losing all feeling in his legs, and falling because of it. We spent the whole day at the er and they found there is an issue in his spine. I can’t remember the technical term but his spine narrows and there’s a lot of pressure on his nerves. He is getting surgery done tomorrow. They are going to go in to clean out the spine and relieve some of the pressure. I’m not sure if he will need additional surgery later on. But that’s where we are right now. I’ll update you guys when I can.

sErin 

Soon! I promise!

I know I said my break would be small and it’s now verging on long but I’m guessing another week and hopefully I’ll be able to get back to things. My grandpa is settled in a long term physical care center as of yesterday but there’s still a lot of things to be figured out. Plus I’ve been sick as a dog lately with headaches. I’m sorry for being absent for so long. I’ll be back as soon as I can.

Thank you for your patience ❤

~sErin